1

Show solidarity

There have been new twists in the “kiss seen round the world” at the Women’s World Cup medal ceremony. After his initial half-hearted apology, Luis Rubiales is now claiming he’s the victim of a hunt led by “false feminists.” The Spanish soccer federation has threatened to take legal action against Jenni Hermoso and other players for lying. And Rubiales’ mother is on a hunger strike until Hermoso apologizes.

By contrast, many are demonstrating solidarity with Hermoso. For example, the entire Spanish women’s soccer team says they won’t play until Rubiales is removed from his position.

In our workplaces, we also have the opportunity to show solidarity with coworkers who experience harassment or exclusion. And it doesn’t have to mean refusing to work. Believing them is step one, even though we may have never experienced the same thing ourselves.

We also need to push back on narratives like “I’m sure they didn’t mean anything” or “they’re like that with everyone.” These get-out-of-jail-free cards become blanket excuses for inappropriate workplace behavior of all kinds.

Last but not least, look out for offenders who claim they’re the victim. Allies, let’s call out DARVO - Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender when we see it.

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2

Acknowledge traumatic events

When I heard the news about the racist murders of three Black people at a Dollar General Store in Florida, I immediately thought about an article I read last year in the Wall Street Journal. It included a phrase that has stuck with me ever since: “We’re carrying maybe a little bit more this week.”

The reporter interviewed Chelsea Crowder-Luke, a vice president at JPMorgan Chase, who “went to work the Monday after a white gunman shot 10 Black people to death in a Buffalo, N.Y., grocery store in May [2022], wondering whether company leaders would say anything about the awfulness of the event, as they had after George Floyd’s murder.”

Crowder-Luke explained, “I was kind of almost waiting with bated breath, like, maybe in some way, the acknowledgment means that it’s still on people’s minds, and that they know that when we walk into these four walls, we’re carrying maybe a little bit more this week.”

Fortunately, leadership did reach out, sending an email expressing support for Buffalo’s Black community and Black staff at the bank.

Whether you’re a leader or an individual contributor, maybe you also spoke with Black coworkers earlier this week. To acknowledge that they might be carrying more as a result of the racist attack in Jacksonville. To recognize that they might be worried about the safety of their families and friends. To empathize.

As I’ve shared in previous newsletters, let’s all check in with coworkers after traumatic events. I deeply appreciate author Michelle MiJung Kim’s advice: Let them you’ve been paying attention to the news and that you’re here to support them.

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3

Don’t put the burden on victims to prevent unwanted behavior

In a New York Times article on multiple sexual harassment allegations against the president of the National Association of Realtors (NAR), reporter Debra Kamin uncovered a years-long pattern of discrimination and retaliation at the organization.

While the article contains many cautionary tales, here’s just one: Don’t put the burden on victims to prevent unwanted behavior.

Kamin wrote, “As recently as last summer, the organization’s guidance on harassment put much of the burden on victims to prevent unwanted behavior. ‘Should a member, colleague, vendor, or other attendee refer to an employee as ‘sweetheart’ or ‘honey,’ the employee may inform that individual that they would prefer they use the employee’s name.’”

If your organization has a code of conduct for gatherings or other workplace interactions (and I hope it does), review it. Make sure it provides guidelines for acting inclusively and how to report violations. And that it doesn’t place the burden on individuals to change an entire culture.

For more guidance on codes of conduct, check out the free ebook How to Respond to Code of Conduct Reports by Valerie Aurora and Mary Gardiner.

4

Consider who you’re actually making fun of

Last week, I sighed when I saw social media posts mocking former President Trump for the weight he self-reported as part of his booking process in Georgia. It was fat-shaming, plain and simple.

Or so I thought.

As Lindley Ashline pointed out in this week’s body libration guide newsletter, that public figure isn’t going to notice your teasing. But you know who will? People you care about. People who might feel shamed for not meeting your definition of acceptable weight. Or what a spray-on tan should look like. Or what condiments go best with steak. Or some other aspect of how you define beauty or classy behavior.

To paraphrase Ashline, you’re not just punching up at the politician. You’re also punching down at all your friends and family who aren’t performing to your standards.

I encourage you to read Ashline’s full newsletter. It’s a powerful piece that’s got me thinking differently. Perhaps it will help you to be a better ally, too.

5

Advance access

Next month is National Disability Employment Awareness Month in the U.S., and this year’s theme is Advancing Access and Equity.

Why wait for October to advance access to your everyday communications? Here are some suggestions to use for writing emails, messages in Slack and other online discussion tools, and social media posts. They come from the helpful Accessible Social Quick Guide:

• Put compound hashtags in #camelCase or #PascalCase
• Use emoji in moderation and put them at the end
• Don’t use alternative characters
• Avoid ASCII art
• Write image descriptions for photos and other visuals

That’s all for this week. I wish you strength and safety as we all move forward.

— Karen Catlin (she/her), Author of Better Allies® and Belonging in Healthcare