Have you ever found yourself at a crossroads, a new unexpected turn in your life or just feeling very, very exhausted and wondering…is this it? Is there a next phase for me and if so, what could it possibly be?
Looking back now I can see the groundwork slowly being laid throughout my life, the photography, my love of writing and making content, my empathy and desire for intentional conversations with other women — it’s all there. I just couldn’t see it at the time.
“Whats next for me?” I had just closed down my clothing line, moved from Los Angeles where I lived for 20 + years, to a very rural, remote property in coastal Oregon. No friends, no family, no roots, no plan. I had also just turned 47 and the question of “what's next?” was keeping my up at night. Do I do what the women in my family have always done at this age, shop, lunch and bump cocktail hour up earlier and earlier?? Do I accept the narrative that I am past the point of making significant contributions in the world, that my mid-life voice is not worth listening to? I didn’t know it at the time but “what’s next” turned out to be the discovery of my life. Literally my life, myself — my purpose. I was just playing, following my curiosity, finally getting to know the woman I see ever-evolving and changing in the mirror faster than I can possibly keep up. I always assumed there would be plenty of time to get to know her or one day I would wake up a self actualized strong women who knows who she is and what she wants from life. That was the moment I realized it wasn't going to happen on its own and the time to start really seeing myself was now. It started out a little lonely, in my bedroom, with a tripod and a camera. At first I didn’t tell my family what I was doing. I felt so ashamed and fearful of being judged by them, by you, but mostly myself. Sitting with myself in this way felt so exposed, vulnerable. I wasn't taking these pictures for anyone else, they were for myself. As I continued though I felt less lonely and I was getting used to seeing myself through the lens. I also liked what I saw — I saw me. Not the version for everyone else, daughter, wife, mother, sister, friend. Just me. Just Lisa I hope this post finds you a little less lonely at your particular crossroads. If you are looking for a sisterhood of women on a similar journey, we start our self portrait challenge inside the Self Portrait Studio soon. There is room for you to join us. The doors are open and we have fresh new resources, guest teachers and photo challenges to support your self portrait (& self discovery) journey.
PS. I think you'll also love this post.
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